Giving a Voice to the Silence offers positive angles to the issue that faces those with mental illness. Living with Schizo-Affective Disorder and being able to share my experiences with others, is the best way I know how to pay it forward. Life can be difficult, my goal is to bring a bit of hope to a place where many feel there is none.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Light versus Dark in Mental Illness


As I sit on the rocks overlooking the sea everything seems possible.  Such beauty in the water, calm and serene one moment, crashing ashore the next with all its power.  Clouds come from every direction.  The dark and the light meeting in the middle, vying for control bringing out the beauty in each other.
I have learned that each side tells a story.  One that I need to listen to, to understand the illness I live with and must face each day.
The darkness whispers in my ear, “I am too strong for you, I cannot be beaten.”  In that moment I believe, faith in myself falls to the wayside and I wonder if I will ever be “normal,” again.   My anxiety increases as I look the cloud in the eye, I know it is right I am not strong enough for this.  Sadness overtakes me and I slide down the wall, sit on the floor and wonder how I got here.
Just when I am ready to give up the sun speaks up, “Are you going to let the dark control you? Are you not going to fight?”  I look up, the brightness makes me smile, yet I am skeptical.  Can it be that simple?  Walking outside I feel the warmth on my face and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks.  I start to remember how far I’ve come, and what I have done to fight this battle and survive.
The sun smiles and the cloud rumbles in defeat.  I look at them knowing they will always have a place inside me; they will battle each other again and again.  That I cannot deny.  While each believes in their power, I have to know who I am and what I can do when the dark cloud stops by to talk for a while. I cannot give into his lies and defeating attitude.  The sun shines on my face, my guide to battle the darkness, bringing me to the place I need to be.  The healthy, confident person I have worked for and to be an advocate for others.