Thoughts From MY Cluttered Mind offers positive angles to the issue that faces those with mental illness. Living with Bipolar Disorder myself and being able to share my experiences with others, is the best way I know how to pay it forward. Life can be difficult, my goal is to bring a bit of hope to a place where many feel there is none.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

“W” is for Wandering #atozblogchallenge



[wan-der-ing] 

1. moving from place to place without a fixed plan; roaming; rambling: wandering tourists. 

2. having no permanent residence; nomadic: a wandering tribe of Indians. 

3. meandering; winding: a wandering river; a wandering path.  

I am a wanderer, my mind, thoughts, dreams; ambitions have aspirations of their own and seem to take me along with them.  I get this from my dad; I believe; he was the same way; always searching for the next big adventure and what the world had to offer. I can’t thank him enough for what he gave me in that aspect, for me to take a trek around the world would be a dream come true the opportunity to quell my restless spirit.

I am not sure where our desire to explore comes from, but I believe it has a lot to with how our brains work.  My mental illness I inherited from my dad; he was paranoid schizophrenic and spent most of his life searching, exploring, planning, and wandering to wherever the mood took him.  He was gone for days or weeks at a time; no one really knew what he was up to, and then he came home to settle for a time, and just like that he would be gone again on another adventure.

I know many people refer to those with mental illness as odd; when in reality we are more creative, psychic, intelligent, etc., but on some level I believe this to be true because we are more in tune with our minds, bodies, souls and everything that is around us.  There is a burning desire to discover the world because we do not want to give in to this demon who has taken over our minds, so we go in search of what is out there, what others may not see and bring it back for them. 

I have a tattoo on my leg, a picture of a feather with ravens flying out from it; the saying “Not all who wander are lost," written in script, these simple words say everything that is within me.  I may look to many like I am day dreaming, and maybe I am, but if that is what you call the desire to learn, discover, imagine and create, then I hope I never stop wandering through this life. 

 To be called a wandering spirit; it means that I am alive. When someone tells to get your head out of the clouds, to stop letting your mind wander, tell them they are missing out on some of the best times of their life.  As the old saying goes, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."