Thoughts From MY Cluttered Mind offers positive angles to the issue that faces those with mental illness. Living with Bipolar Disorder myself and being able to share my experiences with others, is the best way I know how to pay it forward. Life can be difficult, my goal is to bring a bit of hope to a place where many feel there is none.

Friday, March 28, 2008

My Cluttered Mind


I sat here looking out my window this morning wondering what earth shattering topic I could cover today, the only thing that jumped out at me was………….well, why isn’t it SPRING YET??????????? Here we are March 28th and it’s raining, it’s cold and I want to see the sun.

But seriously, I thought I would sit down today and write a post about mental illness, my illness and what I see in the news on any given day.

I was diagnosed as Bipolar about 12 years ago or so, though you can look back and there were signs way before that. For as long as I can remember I knew I was different. I saw the world differently, I wanted to know everything. I would lose myself in books and search for answers to things that caught my attention. I was always writing or drawing, rearranging my room and decorating. Today you hear talk that those with BP are some of the most talented people around. Some may wonder if it’s a prerequisite – no, but there are times when it helps. More often than not there are times when it hurts and creativity.

Ever try to write a book when the world is closing in on you and don’t want anything to do with anyone or anything. Interesting times. The thing is on the other side there is always a manic phase waiting impatiently in the wings to through you into a tailspin. I can get some serious house cleaning done when I am manic. I have to, if I hit depressive episode –there is nothing getting done. So, all in all there is a method to the madness.

I am slightly manic today, anxious and nervous. My first novel, my baby, the book I have been working on for close to 10 years (off and on) has gone to an agent for consideration. I am working on some edits now for the first 6 chapters, and then I need to get my butt in gear and start writing the rest. I decided it is time for me to do what I want to do, focus on my writing and not just writing to make some money. My muse, I have found out does not like that path very much. Actually, it down right pisses her off – so to appease her, I am writing what I feel inside.

I read some things in the news lately also; I am still deciding how I want to approach those. First I have to figure out if people are truly that stupid and if they are, what happened to the sanity we once had?

And the call ME crazy!